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Barely hanging on... fed up... and scared

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 816

Success equals change sufficient to bring about recovery. If at any time you find the day overwhelming simply start a new one. It's within your power to do so.

Excellent. breather
My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/11/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 225
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 11,250
Amount Saved: $5,400.00
Life Gained:
Days: 41 Hrs: 6 Mins: 22 Seconds: 28

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 597

Go ahead and cuss, scream, punch something (inanimate, please), if you feel the need. We all feel that way from time to time. Just remember, you got to clean up the mess when you're done. A long time ago, on SSC, and I think it was Jan, went to a yard sale and bought some cheap dishes to throw and break when the urge hit. Saved her good dishes that way!

Look back over your life. Ever notice that the really worthwhile things in life weren't easy? Quitting falls in that category. It's hard work.

You have a lot going on in addition to quitting, so expect a blue day every now and then, and be very nice to yourself on those days. Today's a new day. Hope your out of the funk

(((hugs)))

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 10/22/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 245
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 9,800
Amount Saved: $1,960.00
Life Gained:
Days: 27 Hrs: 13 Mins: 53 Seconds: 10

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$56,600.00

Amount Saved
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Days: 813 Hours: 2

Minutes: 39 Seconds: 22

Life Gained
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5660

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

226,400

Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 222

Hi Cat

How are you doing today?

I was often enough in the same boat myself never knew when I was going to attack

but most people around me understood and helped me get by the madness.

You will come out the other side of this and you will find you are so much calmer

and relaxed without the nicotine.

Please Don't Let The Demon Win Like Jim said polish that sword and fight back you will win

Sending you (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lillyput

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/2/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 539
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 16,170
Amount Saved: �5,902.05
Life Gained:
Days: 75 Hrs: 3 Mins: 3 Seconds: 10

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 625

No need to feel sorry for us Cat.....We can handle the lashing out from a family member. It was/is part of the Quitting process for most of us You are NOT alone.

You're having "stinking-thinking" and it happens when we get complacent in our fight with our addiction. Our addict sees the weak spot and attacks.

We get tired......the constant battle of the wills........the voices.......the addict telling us how good it would be.......It's classic addict behavior.

I can only say Fight girl!! It gets better. The good days out-number the bad ones shortly. You are soooooo close to that point and your addict sees it. That's why it's attacking so hard.

Don't give back the control to your addict. Stay Strong........YELL N.O.P.E.

Keeping the Quit

huggggggggs and cooooookies

Bob

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/27/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 148
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 4,440
Amount Saved: $621.60
Life Gained:
Days: 30 Hrs: 23 Mins: 40 Seconds: 44

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2534

Hi Cat,

Well, you are in a difficult place right now but your destiny lies with you.

Are you going to guide this ship through turbulent waters to the joys of the Promised Land which lies ahead or will you dump it on the rocks and spent the rest of your life marooned on Nicotine Island?

I avoided the island and made the land. I wasn't easy but it was so worthwhile. I recommend it.

We can give you directions but you must steer – over to you!

Good Luck

Penitent

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 5/18/2004
Smoke-Free Days: 1863
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 46,575
Amount Saved: �11,643.75
Life Gained:
Days: 315 Hrs: 12 Mins: 30 Seconds: 7

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$61,457.00

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1274 Hours: 8

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 1

Life Gained
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5587

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

122,914

Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1843

Cat, I'm glad you found the warrior in you to post this because that warrior is smoke free!!! I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, but I am so glad that you posted here instead of smoking!!! Thats the important thing! I really liked Marivi's reply. Do you remember why you originally quit? That reason has kept you quit for 70 days. Go back and look at that original reason. Look at the reason every day, every hour, every minute if you have to! Something important made you quit, and I know that reason is just as important today as it was 70 days ago! And in the big picture, is smoking really going to help, fix, or repair any of the stresses in your life? Sending strength your way! You CAN do this!
My Milage:

My Quit Date: 8/20/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 307
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 12,280
Amount Saved: $3,070.00
Life Gained:
Days: 45 Hrs: 21 Mins: 34 Seconds: 56

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

cat:

Wow you sound like me. And don't worry about lashing out. Everybody here understands what it is like to stand on the great divide and argue with yourself. Now I read your post carefully and I feel very sympathetic because I know what it is like to struggle with these basic existential problems. Is this life really worth the struggle? It hurts alot sometimes and much of it is enough to send an insomniac to dreamland. But every now and again, around some corner, when we least expect it comes one of those moments that reaffirms life. It is in those moments that we are most aware of who we are and what we are doing here. I am sure that you have had an experience or two like that. It's kind of written in the odds that every now and again the universe rears itself up, points a mirror in our face, and says "there you are", how do you like me now? Life is worth while when we wait on those moments.

For my money leaving smoking behind is worth the mental and emotional anguish, simply because it makes us stronger. Strength is a huge asset in this life. It is one tough old world out there and to have the ability to make yourself stronger is vital. I could give you a hundred medical reasons to lay the squares down, but you have heard them all a million times before. I think the most important reason to do it is to reaffirm to yourself, that you matter. Smoking in a way is a form of self-denial. It is a way of saying "I know I am hurting myself, but I don't care, because I am not worth caring about". I think you are worth caring about and quite frankly I think you do too.

stay well

nonic

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/25/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 911
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 27,330
Amount Saved: $9,565.50
Life Gained:
Days: 173 Hrs: 23 Mins: 30 Seconds: 25

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$71,011.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1554 Hours: 19

Minutes: 52 Seconds: 7

Life Gained
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6763

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

202,890

Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1904

I think that just the fact that you've articulated what you're going through with Nicodemon and posted it on THIS board shows that you have strength and that you are indeed a member of this community. Nicodemon lurks and waits until we are at our weakess. If it's at all possible to recognize some of the early signs of Nicodemon, then we'd all have a head start. In my case, there are things that I will began to do when Nico isn't far behind. For one thing, I'll start staring at the cigarettes on the racks in stores and begin noticing the price of cigarettes on signs at gas stations. That behavior seems to come out of nowhere and sometimes I think I've been subconsciously engaged in the behavior for weeks before Nicodemon will tell me that I can always quit again. That's somewhat of a lie. I first quit in 1986 and started back smoking in 1989. Sure I can quit again, but it is not easy. As a matter of fact, it has become much more gamey than it was the first time. The first time I didn't know that I could do it. The second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth... times I knew that I could. It was just a matter of me wanting to I told myself. If you're anything like me, one cigarette will lead to a relapse--not a slip, meaning you're be back where you where within a matter of days. The thousands of cigarettes you'd have to smoke before you quit again won't make it worth it.

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 5/1/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 53
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,431
Amount Saved: $536.63
Life Gained:
Days: 5 Hrs: 20 Mins: 58 Seconds: 39

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 363

Cat,

I kind of feel where your at, I'm on 82 or 83 days now, not far in front of you and I'm getting the same emotions, the same feelings. Maybe it is just where we're at in our quits, in no mans land. We know we have this beat, we've gone almost 3 months, so why are we letting these thoughts into our heads? I know I have had the blues, and I am extremely stressed about trying to buy a home. I think we need to step back, identify the dources of our stress, and our worries, and deal with them as up front and honest as we can be with ourselves. If that doesn't work usually a hot fudge sunday helps briefly

Don't give up Cat, we've come too far!

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 4/2/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 82
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,280
Amount Saved: $984.00
Life Gained:
Days: 12 Hrs: 5 Mins: 29 Seconds: 3

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$40,499.55

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1086 Hours: 14

Minutes: 7 Seconds: 34

Life Gained
Quit Meter

5934

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

178,020

Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

catioroc,

You have done the right thing by posting here instead of going out and buying a pack of cigarettes. This is an incredible achievement that deserves to be recognized.

You have received some great advice from other members here already. You also have the right attitude, tomorrow is another day and you will get through this.

Read the posts that other members have bumped for you, post as often as you'd like, and reach out to us when you need to. Be well.

Sarah, Health Educator

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Days: 0 Hours: 0

Minutes: 0 Seconds: 0

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Barely hanging on... fed up... and scared