dear all,
id like to know what you think of the problem i have, but first small introduction:
im 29 years old, i have panic attacks for 10 years now. for that 10 years, i travelled outside my hometown only 5-6 times. after feeling really great last year, this year im back where i was years ago - feeling bad when have to stay home alone, fear of getting sick outside, fear of fainting and, of course, fear of travelling. after months of torturing myself, i've decided to travel to london, with my boyfriend. my brother also lives in london and the fact ill be having company makes me feel better. BUT, i still have to deal with 3 hours flight to london, i still have to deal with not having my usual daily routine, i wont be able to prepare my food, to wander around streets i can recognize, ill probably spend few days with my boyfriend's parents which also scares me a bit (i already know them, they're great people, but im still afraid ill have some stupid panic attack and wont be able to control myself:(.
the fact is - im sick of my limited life. i love my boyfriend and want ot be able to travel with him, to spend time with him, to explore things with him. but, i sometimes get afraid that i wont be able, that ill get sick, that ill ruin everything, that i wont be able to control my behaviour:((
what do you think - is the decision to travel so far away good for me? should i do it? i have to do it, for myself and for the people i love, but what if...? im scared something really bad can happen to me and ill be soooo far away from home... but, then again, whats so safe about my home, anyway?:(
thanks for replies, really mean a lot to me to know if some of you had the same experiences...
best,
a.
