Thanks for the kind words Elizabeth. Keep working on your issues you'll get them resolved. Sunday was a pretty good day for me. The "honey-do" list got shortened by several projects. I did seem a little flat feeling and not completely focused on my tasks. I noticed my mind drifting every once in a while back to a place I didnt want to go. So, when that happened I sat down for a few minutes and did some self-talk. That cleared the cobwebs and let me focus better. On a scale of 1-10 I think I was operating at about 8 yesterday. 8 is acceptable considering that I had been operating at the 3-4 level 3 weeks ago. I woke this morning a little tired but still managed to listen to the meditation tape and continue with my morning routine. The morning queasiness from the Effexor is gradually fading and I didnt jitter this morning either. I believe it is beginning to level off in my system. Next week will be a real test, I will have 5 house guests for the week. Im going to make sure my Xanax supply is stocked fully. :) Actually it will be nice to be off work and have some company for a while. Im feeling good today and it is going to continue. May all of you enjoy an anxiety free day. Mike

Hey Mike, I've been really happy to read your day to day dealings with anxiety. You've really made me feel like im not alone with the way I feel. Reading what you write makes me feel like someone else understands...my friends call me Woody Allen cause i always worry. I never realised it was anxiety. I'm 21 years old and it all started for me last May when I had an earth-shattering panic attack while leaving my house. I had just drank a large coffee and the caffiene set off the attack making me feel like I was having a bad acid trip. I have had both depression and anxiety since I was 19 and i have a hard time admitting it to myself because alot of pressure was put on me to be the normal one because my mother and sister have both been at one time in their lives diagnosed bi-polar and my father has periodical anxiety attacks. I've had to be strong and help to raise my 2 younger sisters. I realised that my depression and mental problems are not only genetic but from holding in alot of feelings. I'm a Cancer (july 17) and im a very emotional sensitive person. Like a sponge i absorbed all my family problems and never formally told them to **** off. I have over the past couple weeks. I got the courage to tell my dad to stop complaining. I told my mother that i don't give a **** about her moods and my sister and i started talking again. And to be honest i have a better relationship with them now that im not walking on eggshells over their emotions and we can tell each other how we really feel and not bottle it up inside. I also noticed my anxiety gets bad around my period (but you probably don;t have that problem....he he he) Western culture and society is full of insanity and pressure. Personally I would be happiest in a tent on some spanish island but for now I have to deal life in Toronto. But the weather's beautiful and I feel happy right now so I'm not gonna stress. Listen to oldies, they always make me happy. Keep busy. Express yourself through art or something you enjoy. Teach your children nice things and tell them you love them each day. That's the most important thing you can do. My dad has always tells me how much he loves me everyday and it's for that reason that I love him so much and we are close now. my theory is that anxie

Saturday was another anxiety free day. That makes at least 4 in a row. :) I didnt take the morning dose of Xanax yesterday and I think I will pass on it this morning too. The Effexor is still causing waking jitters. As I reach for the headphones to do my meditation I can feel my arm tremble slightly. I have been on the 150mgs now for only 2 days so I think I need to give it some time to level off. Food makes the jitters go away. This morning I awoke a little unsettled though. I wasnt anxious but I did lay in bed thinking. Not the negative fear based thoughts of old, but more reality based issues. None of them were negative but I was compiling a "mental list" of things I need to do to get my life in order. Things like checking my homeowners insurance to make sure it is up to current standards, repairing that soffit on the back of the house, stuff like that. Although these things are far from negative, the thought process of the task of organizing these things was daunting and caused some slight mental discomfort, there were no physical reactions however. I was concerned that the thought patterns were beginning again but the subject matter was not frightening so I let it flow rather than using the inner talk to make it go away. I find that when I am beginning to think deeply on matters I dont want to deal with that the meditation music tapes help me get through the thinking with less stress. I still do the thinking but the music (played through headphones) eases the process. The soft music mixed with nature sounds seem to take the edge off the planning. So this morning was not that bad and it was stuff that I really did need to address. I plan on doing some projects around the house today to keep busy. Maybe the kids will allow me to sneak a nap in this afternoon, but I wouldnt bet on that. I want everyone to have a great day today. Im going to have one...please join me! :) Mike

Allison, I dont have any issues with elevators or airplanes. Enclosed spaces dont bother me, neither do crowds or open spaces. My anxiety comes from anticipation of things that [b]may[/b] happen. I stress the word "may" because the things I dwell on are so far fetched that I would have a better chance of being hit by a comet than most of them actually happening. But....that doesnt make the anxiety about them any more tolerable. Its a shame you cant take meds because I have found them very beneficial. For me, the side effects are a small price to pay to feel better. I do have a tendancy to tolerate medicines better than most people though so I understand that the side effects may be untolerable for some. Best of luck to you. Mike

(Hi, Allison. If you click on Search Messages and type in flying or plane, the latest one I believe is a success story that shows the preparation and strategies used for flying.)

Hey Mike, I have been reading your posts and want to thank you for sharing your daily feelings and progress to recovery.... I too am reading Luscinda Bassett's book. It has done wonders for me. I must say though, you and I are different. I suffer anxiety at night, not in the morning. I think it is the "antisipation". You of what the day may bring, and me, what will happen when I'm sleeping. I have refused to take any medication after severe side effects of Paxil and am terrified to even take Tylenol. I know that is unhealthy, but is going to have to be until I fully recover. My next goal is to tackle the thoughts of getting on a plane. (After my near death experience 2 yrs ago, I have suffered anxiety, agoraphoboia and claustrophobia.) Well, the anxiety is getting better and I can get in an elevator for short periods...but a plane for three hours, not sure if I am ready to test myself that much yet. How about you, could you comfortably get on a plane if you needed to? -Allison

Oops! I forgot one of the methods I have been using and it is perhaps the most important one.... Therapy with a good psychologist. Mike

Another panic free day yesterday! :) The negative thoughts are almost totally vaporized now. They come and go so quickly that they are no different than ordinary thoughts I might have. I dont dwell on them and they dont alarm me. I increased my doseage of Effexor to 150mgs yesterday and was expecting to be wired up this morning but it didnt happen. In fact, I feel so smooth that I think I can skip my morning dose of Xanax. I will carry it in my pocket in case of emergency but right now I feel like I can do without it. That would be a really positive step for me in my opinion. It does appear that all the effort I have been putting into this are beginning to pay dividends. Three weeks ago I was couch bound shivering under a blanket in a fetal position having horrible racing thoughts...and today I woke up ready to tackle a pack of cub scouts! Just in case anyone hasnt read this entire thread some of the methods I have used are, in no particular order.... Cut down on soda Began using Effexor Started taking a Multi-vitamin Listening to guided meditation before bed and upon waking Carrying a list of self affirming thoughts in my pocket Used my Xanax more frequently Practicing positive inner-talk Read many self-help books Whew! That looks like a lot of work, and it is. I wish I could pinpoint which practice had the biggest effect but I think that they all contribute. If I had to pick three it would be the meds, the meditation and the inner talk. I wish an anxiety free day to everyone. If you keep at it you will achieve it. Mike

Adele, Thank you very much. Comments like that brighten my day all the much more. Mike

Hi Mike I'm fairly new on here and have just read through your posts. I think you are incredibly brave and I have taken some hope for myself from your endless sense of optimism. Thanks for sharing. Adele