MIKE, MY boyfriend just left to move to another state. We just stood there crying. We both love each other , but he had to go because of his job. Of course I can't go with him because of my "condition" (anxiety, panic,agoraphobia) I don't know when or if I'll see him again! I can't stop crying.. I'm so sad. My Dad isn't being very supportive and my friends are just like "get over it". I live alone and I used to be afraid of having a boyfriend because of my "condition" I was afraid to let anyone know about it. But, I became so close with him, now I'm scared that my anxiety and panic attacks will come on strong.. I wanted to start a medication in the past week or so, I was going to start Effexor XR this morning. I just don't know if today is the wrong time to try. But, I'm sick of being sick.. So I took 37.5mg at 10:45am with some food.. Since then my skin is crawling a little and I'm getting a little sweaty and my heart is racing a little also.. Is this "normal". I think it is my anxiety toward the med. I have Xanax, which I will take as these feelings pop up. What else can I expect?I will stick this out unless of course it gets really bad!!.. HELP I'm scared and hurting.. And I'm so alone..

Thanks Iwona, I will give the scheduling of the thoughts a try. Perhaps I will even set a time limit on how long I will dwell on them. This new [b]Soothing rain[/b] CD I got the other day is some kind of wonderful thing. It is so relaxing that no matter when I put it on I drift off into a short sleep. Fantastic! I did some driving yesterday (45 minutes each way) and the radio in my car is broken so all I had was my inner talk to keep me company. Im sorry to say that it did not behave all the time. Oh well, it was just an annoyance that I could live without, nothing earth shattering. One would think that after a while the thoughts would become so routine that they would just become another thing you needed to do like tying your shoes. I cant recall the last time I let tying my shoes upset me. :) Still it was a pretty good day yesterday and I slept until 8:00 this morning. The kids woke me up so I havent gotten to do my meditation yet, I will need to demand some silence and get that done soon. I know it is important. I hope everyone has a great Sunday (or whatever day it is in your part of the world). Mike

Mike, I usually read your posts and I have to say that I admire your strength and the will to fight. You're a very brave person! ANd motivating for others, so keep up the good job. About that negative thought - in addition to my panic/agora I also have OCD so I know a bit about the unpleasantness of recurring thoughs which are extremely tiring, etc, etc. What I do is go ahead with the thought during my two worry times a day. When some obsession is hard to deal with I spent ten minutes just talking about all that is associated with that thought - images, how it makes me feel, etc. As I said, I do it twice -in the morning, after I wake up, and in the evening. And in a few weeks (unfortunately, that's quite long...:)) the thought just goes away or loses its strength. That's how I have overcome my traumatic memories of my mum's suicide attempt. Maybe this could be of any help? Iwona

Does anyone remember when I first started this discussion on May 30th? At that point the mornings were almost intolerable for me with floods of pervasive negative thoughts keeping me from enjoying my life. As the day went on the thoughts gave way to more pressing "real" things to deal with until I went to sleep only to have them trouble me again the next morning. Today is July 19th. I am feeling markedly better, functionioning almost normally. To the outside world no one would suspect anything was wrong. BUT...the mornings are still the roughest part of the day for me. Although the multitude of ANTS have passed I am still plagued by a single one (I call it the Queen Ant). It is less intense than it was before and often easy it is easy to dismiss. But sometimes it lingers and festers to a point that forces me to use medication. I dont object to using the meds but like everyone else, I would love to not have to. I am working hard to ignore the Queen using thought re-direction. Yesterday I decided that when this thought came knocking I would look out the peephole and not open the door. Then I would immediately re-direct my thoughts to one of my most enjoyable life experiences, an anniversary trip to Bermuda with my wife years ago. I look at it this way....suppose you were at a party having a genuine conversation of some consequence with a friend when a goofball kept trying to butt in interrupting for no reason other than to annoy you. You would politely tell him you were occupied and then ignore his tom-foolery. Why shouldnt I do that with this intruder? It is interrupting my normal constructive self talk with stuff I dont want to hear. I will try telling it that I am occupied and then try my best to ignore it. I have noticed that weekends are more difficult for me to deal with this. On weekdays the entire family is engaged in specific tasks getting prepared for school and work. We have to eat, dress and we have a set schedule that must me adhered to. On the weekend there is more "chaos" if you will. The kids have no definitive purpose and are quite lively. I ususally meditate in the morning before the kids wake during the week. If I choose to sleep later on the weekend I must sacrifice the meditation because the kids and normal houshold noise lev

Good move. Let us know if that works.

Yesterday was great. I have this one negative thought that just lurks around in the background popping its head in every once in a while for no apparant reason. It really doesnt make me suffer but it annoys the heck out of me. I am trying every method known to mankind to rid myself of this pest but it still invades just like that one roach that seems to drink Raid as if it were a martini. I am now thinking that perhaps my focusing so much attention on trying to kill it off may actually be feeding it. Perhaps this is one that needs to be ignored to go away. I know that the concern that this thought focuses on are absolutely ridiculous and the mild discomfort it causes me is un-necessary. I am going to try ignoring it for a while. When it creeps in I will just pay it no mind, sort of like I do my wife when she is telling me the yard needs mowing during the ball game. :) Other than this one minor annoyance I am feeling great. I am sleeping better and I am beginning to get back into my usual routine of dining out and watching TV and films and listening to music. I am careful not to forget my reading and I still do the meditation twice daily. I find the 45 minute "mountain stream" CD I have is one of the most calming things I allow myself. Things are looking up. Thanks for reading. Mike

Yesterday I took a "decompression" day and stayed home in bed the entire day. I got up to go to the bathroom but didnt get up for any other reason. I didnt eat breakfast or lunch I just laid in bed in my jammies and listened to a CD of a babbling brook over and over. No stress, no anxiety, just pure relaxation. I was calm and content for the entire day. I only got two phone solicitors that I quickly hung up on. I drifted in and out of peaceful sleep and was even lucky enough to have a thunderstorm pass over my house in the afternoon hours. This morning I feel rejuvinated and refreshed. It is almost like someone untied a knot that was in my body. This was the most beneficial thing I have done in some time. The serenity of knowing the time is all yours and no one will interrupt you or place any demands or stress on you was an excellent feeling. I slept like a baby last night and this morning I was full of energy. The stress free day re-charged my batteries so to speak. What a great feeling. I am hoping it lasts a while. If you have the time I highly suggest trying this. It was a wonder. Mike

Im not sure what to make of the last 24 hours. I had a brief (30 minutes perhaps) bout with anxiety yesterday afternoon that led to me taking the day off work today to work on some things. I slept fine last night and even slept till the alarm went off, but when I woke I knew immediately that something was not right. This happens every so often where I need what I call a "decompression day". I called in sick right away and went back to bed as soon as the kids and wife were off. I spent the past 9 hours just lying in bed relaxing. I wasnt feeling any anxiety today just relaxation. I listened to a CD of a stream running through the woods over and over. It was very soothing and tranquil. I nodded off a couple of times but really for the most part just listened to the stream and let my thouhgts wander. Surprisingly they did not become negative. So this was my "theraputic relaxation" day. Does anyone else ever need one of those? I find that I need one about every 6 weeks or so. Having two young kids and a busy family life I find that real "alone time" is like gold for me. Knowing that I can lie in bed listening to soft music or nature sounds or even reading and not have to get up every 10 minutes to settle a squabble between the kids or needing to do something around the house allows me to relax to the max. Right now I feel pretty good, I really needed this day for myself. One of my meditation tapes stresses that we all need to "take time for ourselves". I find that to be absolutely true. Mike

WOOO HOOOO! And you actually got to go back to sleep. (Now I'm jealous :) That's great. Maybe the dairy helped too, but I'm so pleased for you! Good show!

HA! Today I slept until the alarm went off and I didnt have the negative thoughts when I woke up! YAHOO. I am going to retrace my entire day yesterday to see what I may have done to make this happen so that I can repeat it. Maybe it was that Chocolate volcano I had at the restaurant at 9:00 last night. I hope not because I would certainly gain the weight back if I repeated that every day! :) An interesting thing is that when I woke to the alarm I put on the meditation tape right away and I fell back asleep while listening to it. I have not been able to fall back asleep after waking up since I started the Effexor. Anyway, today is going to be a good one, I can just tell. Have a good one too.... Mike