WHOA, HOLD ON - STOP THE PITY PARTY.
Sounds to me like you have no reason to think you are a bad person, in fact, just the opposite. You said it yourself - you are clean 9 years from cocaine - been there, done that - not easy. You are raising 5 kids, sounds like by yourself, and doing an excellent job, I'm sure - also not an easy feat.
I think you need to stand up and give yourself a pat on the back - WAIT A MINUTE - LET ME DO. Cincere, you are an amazing person to be able to do all this and maintain your quit. Do not give up. It really won't be worth it. You will feel so much worse than you do now. Freedom is just around the corner, please give it more time. I know you can do this. You know you can do it too. Sceam at the Junkie. I DO NOT SMOKE.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/25/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 46
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 14
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Quit Meter
$333,304.13
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 6157
Hours: 10
Minutes: 57
Seconds: 4
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
45815
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
687,225
Cigarettes Not Smoked